I'm losing myself...

Tonight we went out to dinner because A-I didn't feel like making anything and (more importantly) B-we were celebrating.  Celebrating what?  Well, never you mind. Oh, and C-we got a free entree. Anyway, I was feeding the baby girls their mush food before ours came and getting a little frustrated that Avery kept sticking her fingers in her food-filled mouth and Lila kept lunging at the spoon and gagging herself.  All of a sudden it hit me: look at me--I'm totally a mom.

Before we left for the restaurant I put on my shoes, didn't re-do my hair from earlier in the day, didn't put back on the necklace that I had let Lila chew on and didn't check my clothes for spots, which by the end of the day there inevitably are.  We just went to Red Robin, which is not a fancy place, but the fact remains: I'm losing my sense of dignity and pride in my appearance.  Perhaps I had too much to begin with and a little less vanity is a good thing.  However, I'm a girly kind of girl who likes to get dressed up and put makeup on and many times, as shallow as it may seem, feeling l present well makes me feel pretty good.  So, is it vanity or just part of my personality?

When Ty was born and I started my staying at home lifestyle, I vowed to put on real clothes everyday.  I stuck with my no-all-day-pajama-days goal well.  Partly, it made me feel like I had accomplished something and was ready for the day to begin.  Since the twins have come, many days seem to begin without me and I find myself running into the babies' room in my bathrobe to rescue a lass from her crying.  I then have to wait for the breakfast-feeding, diapering, clothes-changing, and settling in to some kind of morning distraction before I can actually put some clothes on.  My "morning" shower finally gets its turn at 11:30 and many times my routine ends abruptly with my drippy hair still wrapped in a towel to fix something really important like a dropped binky or the purple corvette's wheel stuck in the soccer net...again.  That's why ponytails were invented, I guess.

Sometimes in the evenings I change into comfy clothes/pajamas and think, "Why don't I wear this stuff more often?"  Then again, the days where I wear pajama-y clothes all day and don't do my hair or put on makeup (those days are becoming more frequent) I don't feel as "comfy" in my own skin and don't like that I haven't prettied up a bit.  Is it wrong that my self-satisfaction is tied so closely to my reflection in the mirror?  Am I immature?  It bothers me that I'm starting not to care about my appearance/me as much, so why do I care that I don't care?  Bah...  This is probably why I shouldn't write blog posts late at night.  And here you were expecting pictures of some cute kids.  Well, I've got lots of those...cute kids and pictures. ;)

This is from a few months ago, but I realized since I'm the primary picture taker, I have few pictures of myself actually in them!  A sleepy-looking self portrait with Lila will have to do.

 These are my children watching Cars in the morning while I run to the shower.  :)

[I didn't take any pictures tonight, but these next few are from the last time we went to Red Robin for Russell's birthday, early February.]

Avery just ordered a toy...that's all she felt like eating.

 Happy Lila girl!

 Father and son

 Silly father and sillier son!

Russell's a very nice dad and forked over the 2 quarters it cost for Ty to play the car racing game.  Russell even did the pedals for the kid and let him sit on his leg to drive.  :)

A month or so ago I did get my hair cut...that was good.  I asked for it to be as short as possible to still be able to be pulled back. It is a little shorter in the back and a lot more thinned, plus professionally straitened and done without time constraints.  That may have something to do with the overall goodness of it. (I was making a goofy face because I don't like mirror pictures and always feel silly taking them.) 

Okay, I really feel like I should say I DO DO DO ("Hehe...she said 'doo-doo!'"  Just anticipating what Russell's gonna say.) love my kids and am so glad that I have a husband that supports me staying home with them to try to take good care of them.  I would shave my head, wear nothing but garbage bags, and cover our mirrors for them if I had to in a hot second.